Scotch & Politics

Most of the content of this site is geared toward red-in-the-face arguments about politics or red-in-the-face bouts of testing new types of liquor that the writers here have found (I had a great new boubon a few weeks ago that a fellow writer and I found in a Dupont Circle wine shop, and can’t remember the name - more later), but we are going to switch it up a bit today and make sure that anyone who reads our site remembers some of the things that really matter - life, love, hope, faith and second chances just to name a few.

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[ed. note: This whole article was written by Brendan in the previous comment section. It is much, much too good to be mere comment, so hence it gets its own article.]

I want to point out a few things i’ve noticed about the the Jetsons Future universe that actually suggests something far different and far more sinister than what you guys are talking about.

Jetson Future (JF) buildings are horribly space inefficient. Notice how the wide saucer-shaped apartments are supported by skinny poles, not additional living space built into supporting superstructure like 20th century skyscrapers.

Also note how far apart the buildings appear to be – in a world of overpopulation one would think the buildings would be extremely close together. This is not the case – buildings appear to be several miles apart.

Additionally, unless the Jetsons live at the literal top of the food chain in the JF, then one could argue that this is the elevation at which most people live (give or take a few thousand feet). Notice you never see towers that rise high above the Jetson apartment, this despite George Jetson’s single income in the middle management of a manufacturing firm (hardly a top salaried position).

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Has anyone ever wondered what the hell happened to Earth in The Jetsons? What made it so bad they have to live that high up in the air and fly everywhere?

For the second time this winter, I have woken up like a kid on Christmas morning only to end up with disappointment stealing my joy. (In case you are wondering, neither morning was Christmas morning). As I went to bed last night, I again checked my computer and weather.com, and saw that they were predicting 1-2 inches of snow by morning commute time for New York City, followed by another 4-6 inches before noon.

But what did I find when I woke up this morning and scurried to the windows in my pajamas?

RAIN!!! MORE DAMN RAIN!!!

Honestly, how long can weathermen and weatherwomen pull this scam? I must have checked weather.com four times yesterday to make sure the forecast hadn’t changed for Monday, and sure enough, it never changed - each time inflating my dreams of skipping to work in the fresh snow before it turned into big gray heaps on the sidewalks.

That is four more times than I normally ever check the weather on a Sunday. Sometimes at work during the week I check it once before going to buy my lunch to decide if I need to really bundle up or not, but generally I MIGHT check it 4 times during an average a week. Yet, thanks to their meteorological propaganda, I checked it FOUR TIMES in one day. I can only imagine how many times school kids checked the Greater New York weather yesterday on TV or online.

The meteorological powers that be must make a fortune this time of year - all from taking an average rainstorm and turning it into the “BLIZZARD OF [insert year here].” I once took a fishing trip to Titusville, Florida near Cape Kennedy and stayed in a hotel room that looked right across the water at the space shuttle launch pad. Since there was no launch planned, it was just any other hotel room in Florida that had a nice view. But if we had been there during a launch, the nightly rate would have at least tripled for the same room. Our fishing guide said that sometimes to boost the economy, NASA postpones launches for a day to give a nice boost to the local economy due to all those people to staying in Titusville for just one more night to see a shuttle launch.

That’s what I think meteorologists must due for their stations and websites - from the National Weather Service down to this guy. They claim snow to quadruple the hits on their site or ratings of their station. Hell, maybe we should just let The Onion take the place of USA Today so that we can say that everyone always reads the news.

*Global warming sucks too, but this is all meteorologists’ fault.

Here’s something you don’t see every day: Two independent articles that completely disagree on where China is headed in 2008.

From the Los Angeles Times - “The Great Fall of China”

For the foreseeable future, China will have far less money to spend on its military and will face much deeper social and economic problems at home than experts previously believed.

From The UK Independent - “2008: The Year a New Superpower is Born”

China is set to make 2008 the year it asserts its status as a global colossus by flexing frightening economic muscle on international markets, enjoying unprecedented levels of domestic consumption and showcasing itself to a watching world with a glittering £20bn Olympic Games.

Why the lack of consensus? The latest World Bank study that suggests China’s GDP is actually far lower than previously believed. This report puts China more in the same league as Japan than it does the US. Here’s a great article from the Economist explaining what’s going on.

So where is China headed? I tend to agree with the Independent. The fact that the numbers are slightly different doesn’t change anything – the country’s still a manufacturing behemoth and its not going anywhere but up – especially considering the anticipated 10+% growth rate for 2008. A lot of issues mentioned in the LA Times article – political repression, terrible environmental abuses, and aging populations are almost non-issues, wasn’t China facing these problems last year? All of a sudden old people and crappy air are going to derail this multi-trillion-dollar freight train?

In the end its wishful thinking to assume the Chinese are just going to go away – they’re still going to catch up with us, though it will probably take a few more years than previously thought. Sorry.

Anyone disagree with me? Please?

Happy 2008 folks! I hope you all enjoyed the holiday season. The fine people at S&P sure did (evidenced by our absence since Xmas-Eve).

I’d like to make my first post of the year one where I can look back and say, “Why the hell did I put that in writing? I’m an idiot.” So, let’s make some predictions!

• The Democrats will have their nominee by 2/6. The Republicans will not settle until at least March, throwing off conventional wisdom and the historical reliance on anointed kings by the GOP.
• The Dems will nominate Barack Obama, who will wait until late spring to choose his running mate… Chris Dodd. The Republcans will nominate Rudy Giuliani, who will immediately tab Mike Huckabee as his VP candidate.
• More reports of steroid use in baseball will trickle out, leaving everyone wholly unsatisfied and still incredibly skeptical of every player out there
• Isiah Thomas will not be fired. MSG might be burned down… I will have an alibi.
• Rock and Roll will not make a glorious comeback. Not even close.
• The spring/summer movie season will mark a return of the blockbuster, with Batman, Superman, and Indiana Jones driving people to the theaters in droves.
• The writer’s strike will last until early summer. Television audiences will not dwindle much, but television quality will be at an all time low.
• The Patriots will go undefeated… but they won’t be playing the Packers or Cowboys in the Super Bowl.
• Stewart and Colbert will not be as good without their writers.
• Congress will pass very few major laws, bogged down in election season.
• Global warming will not be solved… that’ll happen in 2009.
• Wage gaps will increase, but so will our GDP.
• The Iraq war will continue, but troop levels will decrease giving the Administration another “success” to trumpet.
• We will not go to war with Iran. That’ll happen in 2009, if I am wrong and John McCain is elected.
• Tom Brady will have another illegitimate child… potentially by Brendan.
• The Yankees and Red Sox will provide us with one of the best seasons in their rivalry. Why? They BOTH have pitching.
• Johan Santana will not be a Yankee. Nor a Red Sox (Sock?).
• Eli Manning and the Giants will storm out to a 7-1 start, with pundits saying he’s “turned the corner” only to then sputter and go 3-5 in the second half, raising questions once again.
• The Senate will turn more to the Democrats for a second cycle in a row, lead by two Udalls , Mark Warner, and a surprise win in Alaska. The Democrats will also pick up seats in the House – although not as many as generally expected – thanks to the mass retirements of Republicans.
• Barack Obama will be elected President.
• S&P will grow, but I still won’t be famous.

Go ahead, tell me how wrong I am.

I wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone a safe and Merry Christmas! I know, I know, I said “everybody” and I also said “Christmas,” that’s a touch UN-PC of me but everyone bear with me.

I have a lot of respect for whatever great compromiser came up with the term “Holiday Season.” It was a great idea – a way to get everyone involved in Christmas without actually saying “Christmas.” The best part is that I can say “Have a great holiday” to everyone I see and not have to worry about some awkward response – they can just say “You too!” and there’s no uncomfortable silence.

I hope, wherever that “Holiday Season” man is, he made a lot of money from that idea. He might be credited with saving the world someday.

Anyways the whole “Holiday Season” and subsequent “Keep Christ in Christmas” outrage that follows it got me thinking. This is the 21st Century – and the world is a very different place than it was even twenty years ago, let alone two thousand. Why should we think of Christmas the same way it was in “It’s a Wonderful Life?” Unlike George Bailey’s Bedford Falls, I’m pretty sure everyone else’s hometown has at least a couple Jewish people, and maybe even an Indian guy. How should Christmas be handled today, when there are so many different people, different faiths, and different lifestyles? Is it possible for everybody to come together at Christmas without some kind of lawsuit or political undertone?

That brings me to my favorite Christmas story – the one that explains everything – the story that tells us how Christmas and its “Holiday Season” should be handled for the next century. Ironically, the story is almost 100 years old.

The Christmas Truce of World War I

(Thanks Austin Post-Bulletin)

British and German soldiers had been fighting along the Western Front near Ypres, Belgium in December 1914. The opposing armies fought from trenches on either side of the front. The battle front was set early in the war, and each army dug a complex set of trenches facing the enemy. The armies would shoot and bomb across the land in between, known as “no man’s land.” It was usually about 100 yards of open land that was impossible to cross without being picked off by an enemy sniper. In some areas, no man’s land was only 15 to 30 yards wide.

On Christmas Eve, German soldiers began to decorate trees with candles for the holiday. Then they began singing Christmas carols, including “Stille Nacht” (Silent Night). The British soldiers responded by singing English Christmas carols.

Before long, the soldiers were crossing no man’s land to exchange gifts. The troops exchanged the few luxury items that they had, including whiskey, jam, cigars and chocolate. The artillery did not bomb; the men enjoyed a quiet evening.

An unknown British soldier wrote this account of the Christmas truce in a letter home: “Just before dinner, I had the pleasure of shaking hands with several Germans: A party of them came half way over to us, so several of us went out to them. I exchanged one of my balaclavas for a hat. I’ve also got a button off one of their tunics. We also exchanged smokes etc., and had a decent chat. They say they won’t fire tomorrow if we don’t, so I suppose we shall get a bit of a holiday – perhaps. After exchanging autographs and them wishing us a Happy New Year, we departed and came back and had our dinner.”

The troops on both sides took advantage of the cease fire to bury their dead. The chance to safely retrieve bodies from no man’s land and properly bury their friends was not taken lightly.

The truce spread along the front both to the north and the south. Both British and German soldiers wrote letters home about a soccer match between the opposing armies. All accounts have the Germans winning 3-2.

The cease fire was not sanctioned by military commanders of either army, and in some areas fighting began again Dec. 26. It is reported that some sectors remained quiet until New Year’s Day.

Out there in No Man’s Land those soldiers figured it out - the true meaning of Christmas in the Twenty-First Century. Christmas, the Holidays, whatever, is an excuse to be good…that’s it. Just an excuse to cast everything aside, ignore the world around us, defy the norm, and just be good…if just for a day.

Happy Holidays everyone! Be good!

Eight reasons to love Hanukkah, from this Jew to you!

And on this glorious holiday, the festival of lights if you will, I give you eight crazy links to enjoy:

• Local Hanukkah events in DC, NYC, and Boston
• An article on the breakthrough in new Jewish music
• Jewish food a profound link to faith and heritage… mmm, latkes.
• Some wine to go with your latkes
• What are your family traditions?
• Shedding some light on Darfur
• And shining some light on the environment!
• Breaking the dreidel record

If you’re currently reading this in a feed reader, continue reading. Otherwise you can ignore me. We switched our syndication feed over to FeedBurner yesterday. Please change your subscription so it points to http://feeds.feedburner.com/snp. That is all.

This Friday marks the start of the final season series between the Yankees and the Red Sox, but I could honestly care less. Even if the Yankees sweep, its doubtful it will be enough to topple the Sox’s stranglehold on first place in the division, and even if they manage to do that, we’re still going to the playoffs. But its Sox-Yankees at Fenway, it’s topical, and its an excuse for me to blog. Not so much about the teams themselves, but rather what the Sox-Yankees rivalry represents, how they’re portrayed in the media today, and how they should be portrayed in the future.

I got to thinking about the Red Sox – Yankees dynamic after reading this column by Bill Simmons at ESPN.com. Simmons argues that the Sox are no longer baseball’s loveable underdog doing battle against the Evil Empire. In fact, the Red Sox have effectively become that which they fought against so long – the New England Yankees, just as powerful, just as popular, and just as overexposed.

When Larry Luccino coined the phrase “Evil Empire,” and started playing Darth Vader’s theme from “Star Wars” whenever the Yankees took the field at Fenway, he started a revolution. The Sox had become the Rebel Alliance, valiantly attacking the Death Star. We were David, they were Goliath on HGH. Everyone loves an underdog, and since 2003, the Red Sox have surged in popularity, going from a New England institution to an international brand. Along the way they won the World Series, ended their “curse,” and vanquished their rival Yankees. The dramatic story – complete with bloody socks, come-from-behind victories, and Big Papi captivated the country and created thousands of new Red Sox fans.

Since the Glorious Year of 2004 the Sox have increased their payroll and ticket prices, expanded marketing and merchandise lines (Pink hats? Lottery tickets? Red Sox Nation?), and made some high profile bonehead signings – all traits usually reserved for the Yankees. Now they’re shooting for the division title to hopefully topple the Yankees from their last perch of superiority. Simmons is right, we are their equals, and its changing everything. This is why the Red Sox’s image needs to be changed as well; we’ll look foolish if we keep pretending that George Steinbrenner is the Emperor and Derek Jeter his gay Darth Vader. “David vs. Goliath” is over, its time to find a new storyline, a new dynamic.

Luckily, I figured this out for us. I even found a new sci-fi allusion we can rip off to sell it to the rest of the world to boot.

That’s right, Transformers. I’m talking about the Red Sox’s Autobots to the Yankees’ Decepticons – I’m talking about Good vs. Evil – the epic struggle that resonates with us all. Two equally matched foes in constant battle, like Ying and Yang…only with laser cannons.

The Yankees obviously fulfill the role of Megatron in our story. The dreaded leader of the evil Decepticons, Megatron was dominating, devious, and tough - he was regularly kicking the Autobot’s asses all over the planet Cybertron. The Yankees-Megatron parallels are immediately apparent – not only do they share the same color scheme, but they’re both evil bastards: Steroid scandals, bloated payroll, a heartless owner that was banned in the 80’s, the 26 World Series rings, Roger Clemens - its plainly obvious the Yankees have been a devastating, malevolent force in baseball. The bill fits almost too well. So what’s the only thing that can stop Megatron?

Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, the noble general who selflessly protects the Earth and fought the Decepticons every week in the late 1980s. Optimus and Megatron used to face off almost every episode with surprisingly back and forth results. In the end they were pretty evenly matched, and wound up killing each other in their climactic final battle.

The Yankees have existed as the Megatron of MLB for some time now – probably since the 1920’s. But before 2003, there was no Optimus Prime to counteract their evil. No team that regularly challenged the Yankees, especially the Sox. To be honest, the Red Sox were nowhere near the level of Optimus Prime, really they were more like this guy:

Ironhide, Prime’s second-in-command, is a perfect allegorical figure for the pre-2003 Sox. Ironhide was tough and resilient, but he was a bit on the slow side…plus he transformed into a minivan. There was no way he was beating Megatron. That’s the story of the Boston Red Sox – 1918-2003. I’m just going to start calling it the “Ironhide Era” from here on out.

I’m convinced this will be a good thing for Sox fans, Yankees fans, and baseball as a whole. First of all, the Yankees and their fanbase already relish being the most evil team in baseball. I can assure you any Yankees fans reading this find these Megatron comparisons incredibly flattering. Secondly, this also reinforces Red Sox fans inflated sense of superiority – after all, we’re the good guys here – we deserve to act like jerks around the Yankees. I’m sure if the Decepticons signed another overpriced robot to their team the Autobots would be the first people in the press bitching about it.

So it makes perfect sense. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy an Autobots baseball cap. I suggest you all do the same.

Andrew: HEY

Mike W: hi!

Andrew: i just made up a knock knock joke!

Mike W: uh oh

Andrew: i’m very excited about this it won’t work as well typed out, but here goes anyway: Knock knock!

Mike W: jokes + andrew = no good

Andrew: HEY KNOCK KNOCK

Mike W: uggh… Who’s there?

Andrew: Oodoo!

Mike W: Oodoo who?

Andrew: Oodoo you tink it is?! HAHAHAHAHA

Mike W: haha, you’re an idiot

Andrew: oh come on, you’re totally going to tell that joke to someone later

Mike W: hahaha, only if I suffer an aneurysm

Andrew: bastard

My first post on this board was about how much I don’t like blogs and how I never read them. I freely admitted then that this was a very hypocritical statement – that’s why I have no problem discussing another blog I read (when it updates) called “Curiouser and Curiouser” Here’s why.

C&C is written by RedLineGirl, a contributor to BostonNOW (think Boston Metro, only written by bloggers). RedLineGirl has an MBTA Red Line commute from Davis to Downtown Crossing and blogs about all the strange sites she comes across in her travels. Overall, it’s a great piece of Non-Expert Bloggery, especially since I can relate to her 100% - her commute is almost the same as mine (Davis to South), and we both deal with the same crap on the the T, see below:

…somewhere between Park and MGH, it hits - a tidal wave of body odor…No matter which way I turn my head, it gets worse… I look around to see if anyone else is on the verge of fainting, but everyone’s maintaining the poker face, pretending not to notice. Breathing through my mouth, I start looking around for offenders. And then I see him. To protect what is probably his standard daily outfit, I won’t describe it too much, but I will say that if Steve Irwin was bigger, bushier, and well…alive, he would be this guy. We lock eyes. My eyes say, “I know it’s you.” His eyes say, “I know you know its me, but what are you going to do?” He’s got me there.”

Great stuff. I feel a true kinship here.

Anyways after reading through her blog I realized something…if we both have the same commute, and seem to be seeing the same things on the train, there’s a very good chance we will someday end up in the same car together, yet the two of us will never know and never realize the when that moment comes. This strikes me as being very tragic, so I’ve decided to go on a mission: I want RedLineGirl to find me and write about me in her blog.

Why do I want to do this? Maybe its because in a city of millions, I know there’s another person like me out there, a person who exists within the three great oceans of anonymity – the subway commute, the Internet, and the city itself. Who knows if we’ve ever sat next to each other, or if I’ve ever elbowed her in the face when I’m trying to read the paper in a crowded car? She probably lives within a mile of me, and I have no clue who she is. We are like two train-commuting, city-dwelling, blogging lost souls. Meeting RedLineGirl would create a beacon of the familiar in the fog of anonymous crowds I wade through each day…someone that I know, someone that understands. I must find her.

But really, she is going to have to find me, which brings me back to my plan…

RedLineGirl blogs about the people she sees on the train, most of these people are quite conspicuous. I, unfortunately, am not conspicuous. But being easy to spot isn’t enough, I need to appear interesting…wait, “interesting” is the wrong word. I need to be “good material,” something someone would actually be motivated to write about. Being a writer myself, I already know the one thing they can’t resist - Duality.

So here’s my plan – During my commutes I’m going to read the most ridiculous, trashiest romance novels I can find. I’m not talking about “Nanny Diaries” or “Devil Wears Prada,” I’m talking about really, really trashy – like with Fabio on the cover. Actually, Fabio will probably be on all the covers. The more preposterous and outrageous the cover, the better. When a 6’3” guy in a sport coat is reading “Master of Pleasure” (by Jessica Trapp) at 8 o’clock in the morning in plain sight, its bound to be noticed. I will stand out, she will find me.

You guys think I’m kidding. I’m not. I have set up an Amazon.com wish list you can use to buy me trashy romance novels to read on the train. I have made a few selections (based on their covers), and if you should come across a good one let me know and I will be happy to use them. I only have one rule – No “Manuals” or “How-to-Guides,” I don’t want diagrams or instructions; I want stories about pirate kings falling in love with serving maidens, or whatever the hell these books are about. And remember, the cover has to make the book’s subject matter abundantly clear.

I will continue to read trashy romance novels on the Red Line until she blogs about me, her site goes down, or I actually meet her by chance. I really, really hope this happens soon. But if it doesn’t, and I’m doomed to read garbage like “One Night with a Prince” (by Sabrina Jeffries) for the rest of my life, its no big deal - its not like anyone out there knows who I am.

For a long time now we’ve talked about something called the “Scotch & Politics Uber Site.” This is our attempt to create that site. It will include Mike’s semi-regular Daily Briefing, many links that we find amusing and even some amazing original content.

Please forgive the current run-down look of the place. We have big plans for what we’re doing here and, if I ever get off my lazy ass and implement them, we may end up creating something nice. Let me know if you have any comments or suggestions and we will consider all of them.

I really don’t like blogs. When I do happen to read one, I can barely get down the first page. In fact I’m just going to come out and say it: I can’t stand them, and I have no clue why people read them every day when perfectly good news sources like the Boston Globe, the NYT, WSJ, and Newsmax are available for free. The writing is better, the information more solid, and the opinions more educated (that means the opinions are still retarded, but with solid grammar) than anything any doofus secretly writing his blog at work is going to put together. The whole concept makes zero sense to me.

I lump blogs into two black-and-white categories. I do this because its easy and because I’m an evil conservative monster who only sees things in cruel, clichéd terms (You’re either with us or against us, folks). To me, there are two types of Blogs out there – “Expert” Blogs and “Civilian” Blogs. Expert Blogs are blogs written by professionals that discuss their subject or industry of expertise. Anderson Cooper has a blog and he writes about news stories on it – this is a perfect example of an Expert Blog. Perez Hilton is another good one: he has all the good photos of drunken Lindsay Lohan and he gets the latest details on Britney Spears’ descent into madness before anyone else. You may find the subject matter of this particular blog stupid, but you cannot deny its expertise.

So what’s a Civilian Blog? Everything else: 14-year-old girls on MySpace, LOLcats, and especially your blog are all Civilian. If you’re still confused about what’s Civilian, feel free to look at anything ever written ever on LiveJournal…ever.

Civilian Bloggers are motivated by all sorts of things – some write because they feel the need for a cathartic rant-session; others are incredibly arrogant and want you to know how they feel and what they do at all times, or maybe they’re ex-college-newspaper columnists who miss pontificating. Regardless of the why, Civilian Bloggers all have one thing in common: they have zero credibility behind their statements and are no better positioned to give their opinion than you, me, or any other person.

To put it bluntly, I do not have the time to care about what you think, Civilian Bloggers. The Internet is full of great stuff to read, yours isn’t included.

In fact, in the history of the Internet, only one Civilian Blog has ever been good. Only one. Think about it, there have to be millions of blogs out there – producing billions and billions of lines of text – all of it essentially worthless. Only one man has managed to combine good storytelling, biting commentary, and an incredible sense of self-actualization into a readable, popular article that speaks with true credibility – that man is Maddox. Maddox is a genius. In fact, Maddox is so good he may actually be an Expert Civilian Blogger. The paradox is mind blowing. Stop reading this and check out Maddox’s site right now – he posts like once every 3 months so you’ll catch up really fast.

At its heart, Scotch and Politics is essentially a Civilian Blog, as no one on this site is an expert in anything, trust me. Now that’s not to say the site is 100% useless; but I wouldn’t call this required reading. In light of everything I’ve written so far, I suppose you could say my involvement in the S&P Blog is kind of hypocritical - but its ok because i’m a huge fan of duality. I’m hoping to write several articles on the site, not so much because I want you to read them, but more because I like to write; and the possibility that others might read it ensures I will use correct spelling.

When I write for S&P, I will always keep in mind that my readers should be doing something more productive, and I will do my best to keep things as painless as possible. Unfortunately, I have a habit of taking on a real haughty, curmudgeonly tone – so my stuff is probably going to turn out less like Maddox and more like Andy Rooney. Please accept my apology in advance.