Among the many changes that come with married life comes the quiet death of a word we all know and love. As the ring goes on a new husband’s finger like the tag in the ear of a calf, suddenly (among other things) the husband – no matter his independence in life thus far – must no longer write “I” in personal correspondence, but “we” instead.

Earlier today, I (emphasis on the singular) was writing to a cousin who could not come to our recent wedding, and whom my wife has never met. Somewhere in the email I mentioned “I was sorry that you couldn’t make it to the wedding…” before I realized my mistake.

Luckily, I could change it before I sent the email. Despite the fact that my wife was sitting across the room, has never met that cousin, and – in fact – did not even know I was writing an email to him, I had almost made a huge blunder.

With married life, social interactions cease to be yours alone. They now belong equally to your wife. As I realized my mistake, I looked at my wife, engrossed in her work; she was totally oblivious that I almost hung her out to dry with a family member. With the use of “I,” I might have implied that my wife didn’t care if my cousin could make it to the wedding or not. Now, of course, you may ask, “Does she care?” Probably not, really. I wouldn’t, anyway. However, perception is everything. The last thing I want is for my cousin to meet her and think, “Oh, yes, the one who didn’t care I couldn’t come to the wedding.”

It may not be a conscious thought, but the use of “I” in social situations when married puts a subconscious block on those trying to get to know your significant other. I want my friends and family to become close with my wife, I don’t want her to remain “his wife.” I want her to have relationships of her own with them. To use “I” would leave a subconscious block there.

With that in mind, I must end this. WE are eating dinner.