This Friday marks the start of the final season series between the Yankees and the Red Sox, but I could honestly care less. Even if the Yankees sweep, its doubtful it will be enough to topple the Sox’s stranglehold on first place in the division, and even if they manage to do that, we’re still going to the playoffs. But its Sox-Yankees at Fenway, it’s topical, and its an excuse for me to blog. Not so much about the teams themselves, but rather what the Sox-Yankees rivalry represents, how they’re portrayed in the media today, and how they should be portrayed in the future.

I got to thinking about the Red Sox – Yankees dynamic after reading this column by Bill Simmons at ESPN.com. Simmons argues that the Sox are no longer baseball’s loveable underdog doing battle against the Evil Empire. In fact, the Red Sox have effectively become that which they fought against so long – the New England Yankees, just as powerful, just as popular, and just as overexposed.

When Larry Luccino coined the phrase “Evil Empire,” and started playing Darth Vader’s theme from “Star Wars” whenever the Yankees took the field at Fenway, he started a revolution. The Sox had become the Rebel Alliance, valiantly attacking the Death Star. We were David, they were Goliath on HGH. Everyone loves an underdog, and since 2003, the Red Sox have surged in popularity, going from a New England institution to an international brand. Along the way they won the World Series, ended their “curse,” and vanquished their rival Yankees. The dramatic story – complete with bloody socks, come-from-behind victories, and Big Papi captivated the country and created thousands of new Red Sox fans.

Since the Glorious Year of 2004 the Sox have increased their payroll and ticket prices, expanded marketing and merchandise lines (Pink hats? Lottery tickets? Red Sox Nation?), and made some high profile bonehead signings – all traits usually reserved for the Yankees. Now they’re shooting for the division title to hopefully topple the Yankees from their last perch of superiority. Simmons is right, we are their equals, and its changing everything. This is why the Red Sox’s image needs to be changed as well; we’ll look foolish if we keep pretending that George Steinbrenner is the Emperor and Derek Jeter his gay Darth Vader. “David vs. Goliath” is over, its time to find a new storyline, a new dynamic.

Luckily, I figured this out for us. I even found a new sci-fi allusion we can rip off to sell it to the rest of the world to boot.

That’s right, Transformers. I’m talking about the Red Sox’s Autobots to the Yankees’ Decepticons – I’m talking about Good vs. Evil – the epic struggle that resonates with us all. Two equally matched foes in constant battle, like Ying and Yang…only with laser cannons.

The Yankees obviously fulfill the role of Megatron in our story. The dreaded leader of the evil Decepticons, Megatron was dominating, devious, and tough - he was regularly kicking the Autobot’s asses all over the planet Cybertron. The Yankees-Megatron parallels are immediately apparent – not only do they share the same color scheme, but they’re both evil bastards: Steroid scandals, bloated payroll, a heartless owner that was banned in the 80’s, the 26 World Series rings, Roger Clemens - its plainly obvious the Yankees have been a devastating, malevolent force in baseball. The bill fits almost too well. So what’s the only thing that can stop Megatron?

Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots, the noble general who selflessly protects the Earth and fought the Decepticons every week in the late 1980s. Optimus and Megatron used to face off almost every episode with surprisingly back and forth results. In the end they were pretty evenly matched, and wound up killing each other in their climactic final battle.

The Yankees have existed as the Megatron of MLB for some time now – probably since the 1920’s. But before 2003, there was no Optimus Prime to counteract their evil. No team that regularly challenged the Yankees, especially the Sox. To be honest, the Red Sox were nowhere near the level of Optimus Prime, really they were more like this guy:

Ironhide, Prime’s second-in-command, is a perfect allegorical figure for the pre-2003 Sox. Ironhide was tough and resilient, but he was a bit on the slow side…plus he transformed into a minivan. There was no way he was beating Megatron. That’s the story of the Boston Red Sox – 1918-2003. I’m just going to start calling it the “Ironhide Era” from here on out.

I’m convinced this will be a good thing for Sox fans, Yankees fans, and baseball as a whole. First of all, the Yankees and their fanbase already relish being the most evil team in baseball. I can assure you any Yankees fans reading this find these Megatron comparisons incredibly flattering. Secondly, this also reinforces Red Sox fans inflated sense of superiority – after all, we’re the good guys here – we deserve to act like jerks around the Yankees. I’m sure if the Decepticons signed another overpriced robot to their team the Autobots would be the first people in the press bitching about it.

So it makes perfect sense. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go buy an Autobots baseball cap. I suggest you all do the same.